The funny thing about pants is....

220 lbs - Total loss 25 lbs and 10%

A funny thing happened this week. I needed dress pants for an employment test I had to take and when I went to put a pair on they didn't fit. As a matter of fact all four pairs didn't fit. It would have been funnier if I didn't have to leave the house in such a rush. Thankfully my mom came to my rescue in the shirt department but my slacks were a little baggy. Of course I show up and half the people are wearing jeans!

It's weird I look in the mirror and tell myself the only direction to move is forward. I realize my weight will plateau and stall and maybe even go up a little but I am ready to be a smaller "me". I see my side profile in the mirror and all I can think is how excited I am for more changes. To be honest I am looking forward to seeing the scale dip below 200. I think back to the last 10 years and I wonder why its taken so long to realize that I don't have to be this person. I have every intention of starting each day with the positive affirmation that I will be healthy and lighter than the day before :)

I finished reading the Secret this week. I am going to read it again. I just want to remind myself to be grateful of what I have right now. I have so many family members and friends who are amazing and supportive. Without them I would not be where I am right now. I am grateful for the people who are reading my blog or who know the journey I am on and give me compliments. It is always good to have a little reinforcement.

As many of you may or may not know I applied to Concord PD for an entry level dispatch position. I have had some time to think about where I want to be and despite the chaos I really want to be in law enforcement. I have to believe that the knowledge I acquired from the Sheriff's office is useful and not all lost on a time that wasn't right for my family. I took the POST exam last night and I have to say it is really hard. I dare not assume I got a passing score until I see it in person :) I guess we will just see where this process gets me this time! You guys all know if I wasn't doing something a little bit crazy life would be boring!

Fun in Vegas!

No change this week 

I decided not to get on the scale this week mostly because we got back from Vegas Sunday and because I have been super sick. The one time I did look at the scale my weight was the same. I am hoping that I start to feel better in the next few days and can head back to the gym. I am still counting my points everyday though even though food is kind of last on my mind. 

Vegas was tons of fun! Lots of beautiful girls dressed in their 50's best and plenty of greaser boys in their cuffed Levis. Viva Las Vegas is the biggest Rockabilly car show in the world and in case we needed any reminders there are so many international attendees! I swore every time we got on the elevator it was Australia, Germany, France, the UK, etc. It is an event sponsored by Pabst Blue Ribbon so there is plenty of drinking to be had. I would say I was over that as of Friday morning. It sounds fun and all to act 19 again but it's not worth it to me anymore to feel horrible. 

We saw the Burlesque show on Friday night which was actually very cool! It is a variety show so there was singing, magic and of course girls in tassels. It is quite remarkable how classy burlesque is in comparison with stripping :) Saturday night we went to see Tiger Army (Punk music/psychobilly..don't ask me to explain) at the House of Blues in Mandalay Bay. I giggled that the tall PBR was $11 as opposed to the $3 we paid at Viva. We bought general admission tickets so we were in the pit I suppose you could call it. At about my waist was the floor to the next level which was VIP seating and bottle service tables. It is a punk show so really not many of those seats were filled but sure enough Luke and I had two 100 lbs girls in 5" heels and their pimp...I mean friend with them. Apparently the one closest to me couldn't hold her alcohol. Yep that's right...I got puked on. Fortunately just down my arm and not on my clothes or anything. I ran up to the bathroom thinking that little miss tiny ass would leave. She didn't. So we moved away from her general direction and sure enough she picked up an empty cup and puked again. By the time security realized what was going on the show was over. It's a very good thing I am not squeamish. 

I think I needed a little reminder of what 24lbs looks like so I compared a few pictures taken over the last weekend to ones taken in the last year or two. Okay...I do see the difference now. I have a long ways to go but progress feels good! 

“It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you've known forever don't see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on.”
― Nicholas Sparks

Waist > -1 Inch
Bust > No change
Hips > -2 Inches
Thighs> -1 Inch
Arms > No change
223 - 2lbs (total loss 23 lbs)

I'm sorry does that say 2 inches off my hips? Yes it sure does. Weight watchers has this hidden feature where we can track our measurements on a bi-weekly or monthly basis. I would say that change occurred over a three week period so it more than makes up for the slow loss of pounds! I have been going to the gym in the mornings and I try to do my Pilates DVD in the evenings. I suppose there is some benefit to my husband coming home late every night since I can do my DVD and he cannot make fun of me :)

This week has been a rather long one. I am thankful that Luke had last weekend off so I at least had an extra set of hands for a few days. He has been working late every night and will work through this weekend meaning that as of tonight he hasn't seen (in the awake and physical sense) the boys since Monday after work. I anticipate that I will be driving to Napa in the next few days so they can see him on a lunch break. It breaks my heart how much they miss him. I try to make things as easy as possible for everyone but should Dominick keep up with his attitude lately he will be riding to work with his father.

My quote sort of speaks to my frame of mind. I am not tossing anyone out but I am certainly starting to appreciate the need to surround myself with like-minded people. I try a little harder every day to lay off the complaining but that is a crazy hard habit to break. I do catch myself many days when I want to say something so badly or post it in Facebook. It is not worth being negative because the person it damages most is me.

I love you all for the support. Hopefully it's not too boring!

"Rome wasn't built in a day".....

225# - No change

And my butt isn't going to get smaller overnight. I know there are two trains of thought on whether to base weight loss off of a scale or how your clothes fit. Weight watchers focuses more on what the scale says so this week is perplexing. For those of you unfamiliar with weight watchers there is a set amount of food points per day. On top of the set amount of daily points there is activity points (exercise can be traded for food) and extra weekly points. I do not trade my activity points for food and occasionally I dip into my extra weekly points depending on what the day may bring. So I have been working out twice a day for most of this week with no change in weight...yep the scale and I are not talking.

I am not discouraged by the lack of weight loss. I will weigh myself again in a few days and I anticipate that I will see a change. My clothes fit different, they are loose which is a huge change from what I am used to. On top of that I notice a difference in my waist and my face but I have not measured myself yet. I have found that you do indeed lose fat in your fingers because in almost eight years of being married I have never been so afraid to lose my wedding rings. I made an appointment to have them re-sized on Monday!

As many of you know my husband works a lot. I am grateful for his job and all of the opportunities it allows us but somedays it just sucks. Today (Friday) is the first day that the boys have seen him since Tuesday evening. I forget how hard it is on the boys and Luke to not see each other so much. I don't realize after three days of not talking to each other much that he really has no idea what's going on around the house :) So I spend 15 minutes talking as fast as I can to get it all in and hope he doesn't forget everything I tell him. He has the unlucky job of balancing his time with the boys and trying to pay attention to me before I implode!

My goals for this week are simple. I would like the scale to move down obviously. I would like a date night with my husband. I would like to spend less time mediating and allow others to communicate effectively. There is a very simple concept known as communication that does not involve arguing, contradiction, being right, snide remarks and most of all placement of blame. I refuse to take sides but lets just look at this simply. Life is short. There is so much to be grateful for and in the scope of things life is pretty damned good.

I love you all
I will try not to hit the scale with a sledge hammer.

What was...

"Whatever is going on in your mind is what you are attracting"
- The Secret


225# -2#


So when I originally started the blog I was at 239 pounds but my original weight when I began weight watchers I was 246. I have lost more than 20 pounds and for the first time in 8 years I feel like I could get below 200 pounds. (Sad isn't it?)


I was reminded this week of just how much damage I have done with the negativity I have surrounded myself with. So I want to start by saying that person is starting to disintegrate. I have to change my outlook on life and the people I surround myself with if I am ever going to be successful. I feel like I should apologize to those people who I have hurt in the past. I seriously lacked coping skills and the proper attitude for a long time and to those who have been affected I am truly sorry. In order for me to move forward I have to put the past behind me and focus on being present. 


I started reading The Secret this week and while I am only 20 pages in I am starting to understand the concept of if you think negative thoughts you will draw negativity into your life. I am trying to make small changes everyday and remind myself to be grateful for what I have in life. Everyday will not be perfect but change takes time. 


I have acquired a regular exercise routine that consists of the gym, walking, exercise dvd's and the occasional class. I am no longer using my children as an excuse to not work out. I have many options and a ton of help so there is no excuse. I am grateful that my mom is down the street and willing to take my kids so I can get away for an hour and work on myself. I will say that putting my headphones in and blasting my music is very therapeutic. 




I am grateful for all of you and I love you. 


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Life is Short

- 2# 230#

You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of.  You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.  
~Albert Camus


I wanted to start by saying that life is short. I have been reminded recently of how unpredictable our course in life can be. I think it's important to tell the people you love how important they are to you and why. It has become so easy in today's technologically advanced world to throw communication out the window. Sometimes it's okay to write someone a note or call them and tell them how much they mean to you. I am no better than anyone else but would you want the last communication you had with someone to be a text message or a Facebook post? 


This past week was better. I lost 2 more pounds and I have taken to walking almost every day if I can. I would say I average between 2 1/2 and 3 miles on my walks. I don't have a double stroller so Dominick is exercising with me. It seems as though it is much easier for mommy to carry the scooter home rather than ride it uphill. I am still trying to work with Vincent on staying in the stroller without a constant flow of snacks to get him to sit still. 


So let's just call a spade a spade. Being fat sucks. I have been heavy for so long that I have just come to accept how I look and all that goes with it. Even though I am unhappy with myself I dare anyone to talk shit to my face about how I look. I will sport whatever tank top or workout pants I damned well please and nobody will tell me otherwise. I sometimes wonder if I use my humor and communication skills to divert from the fact that I hate how I look. So all that being said I am working towards being more comfortable in my skin...and my clothes. 


I am working on my food addiction. I would love to say that every day is stellar and that my nutrition is 100% but it's probably closer to 70%. I know that I need to push myself harder and truly give up those foods that only fill an emotional void but it's really hard. I am thinking of just trying one thing a week and seeing how it goes. So for next week I think Starbucks has to go. Even the sugar free lattes are crap and I know it. I don't drink them more than twice a week but it's 2 too many! 


I may not update once a week just for lack of time but onto smaller waist lines and better attitudes!


And this is why I should read the nutritional labels before I order it.....


 http://www.starbucks.com/menu/drinks/espresso/iced-skinny-mocha?foodZone=9999

http://www.starbucks.com/menu/food/bakery/blueberry-scone?foodZone=9999

Where Have I Been???

-7#  232#

Hello all,
I took a week off from blogging because to be quite honest I didn't have a free moment to sit down and write! As many of you know Vincent is on his way to giving his mommy (and g-ma) an excessive amount of gray hair before it's really necessary. After two consecutive days spent at Kaiser the doctor concluded that he had pneumonia, bronchiolitis and double ear infections. Needless to say we were sent home with all kinds of great drugs in order to get his breathing and the infection under control. So 10 days later he is a brand new kid and I am almost sleeping through the night again!

I lost 3 more pounds over the course of the past two weeks. I could have lost more but there were a few days plagued by convenience food due to a lengthy amount of time spent at the doctor's office.  I have cut out the simple sugars at night and try to stick to cut up apples or greek yogurt with fruit on top. My biggest weaknesses are snacking during the day because I am bored or eating sweets at night because I am ADDICTED. I have started walking with Vincent and I try to average in the 3 mile range. I am hoping that as my butt gets smaller my feet start to scream less the morning after walking.

I have come to a few revelations lately. Firstly I do not like Physiology. Not even a little. I have had to take a step back and look at the nearly 40 units of nursing pre-requisites and wonder if that is really what I want to do in life. The short amount of time spent working at the Sheriff's office and a few administration of justice classes have made me question where my passion lies. I made a brash decision fueled by a lack of sleep and a bad night at work when I quit dispatch. I don't want to be a police officer but I would not mind working a civilian position again. That being said...we will just have to see what happens in the future.

The second revelation is how much I miss when I sit around the house and wait for life to come to me. I have had to make a few changes to try and get my head right and as I do I realize what I am missing. My children are only small once. In the near future they will not want to hug me and cuddle with me or even sit in the same room. I may not be the top candidate for "stay at home mom" but certainly I need to enjoy the time I spend with my kids. I find that the more I walk and the more time I spend outside I appreciate where I am in life. I live in an amazing place and have an amazing family. Every day is not perfect and I still have a lot of work to do on myself but the fog is starting to clear and I am thankful for that.

Progress in the first week

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
Mark Twain

4# down -- 235 #


I would love to tell you that I ran a mile everyday and made it to the gym religiously but this first week has been hampered by distractions. I am counting my points on weight watchers and trying to make choices that are more nutrient dense rather than points focused. I am slowly attempting to work out as much of the simple sugars in my diet as possible. My blood work came back in the normal range but certainly if I am not careful I am going to tip the scale towards pre-diabetes. Top that off with a thyroid condition and really if it comes in a box I probably need to throw it away! 


I started school this week. One class, physiology, Tuesdays and Thursdays, 11am to 3:30pm. I was so excited to not have to wait list this class it didn't occur to me to see who the instructor was. This is why they make sites like rate my professor for those of you thinking of taking courses. :) He cannot be older than 30, skinny jeans, thick glasses, flannel shirts, vegetarian, UC Berkeley graduate. I try not to judge. If I had to count the amount of times the man says "um" in a lecture it would be in the hundreds. I am taking a positive stance that I will hopefully learn something and pass the course while my professor learns how to teach it. 


At this point in my life I am a seasoned lifetime college student. Certainly showing up an hour before class starts would seem to be enough time to find parking. Then I remember that the rest of the student population takes 11am classes because they don't want to get out of bed and nobody carpools. After more than an hour of driving from lot to lot I finally found a spot. I would consider the walk from the overflow lot when I am 15 minutes late considerable exercise for the morning. I mean who doesn't want to show up to class sweating and red faced? Needless to say next week I will walk from the mall if I have to.


I have successfully managed to keep my Facebook comments at a minimum this week! I find it can be dysfunctionally therapeutic but it does nothing for me (or anyone else) to vent half-explained frustrations all the time. I am sure that while I love the concept of social networking and snooping everyone's pictures it really takes up far too much of my day. If my brain is not in line with the rest of my body then getting healthy will be a hell of a lot harder. 


My goal for the next week is to start studying physiology like I care about the class....oh and.....Exercise, activity, get moving, do something...






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A place to start

“Every human being is the author of his own health or disease.” - Buddha 

This journey is one that is long overdue. I am finally starting to see that the person I am is not the person I want to be anymore. I am unhappy in my own skin and I have been that way for quite some time. I thought starting a blog might be fun, it will challenge me to do well so I can post my progress and my friends can follow along if they'd like.

I have never been "small", even throughout high school I was a size 10 or 12. This is not a journey to a size 4 because that is not realistic. In high school I played water polo and I swam and more or less ate whatever I wanted. I wasn't raised in a household with junk food or a ton of processed food but we grew up eating huge portions. Every event my family hosts is centered around food and it has always been that way. I think that a good portion of my weight problem comes from an addiction to food or at least certain types of foods. Certainly my affinity towards cold beer does not help :)

I have joined weight watchers again and I think that while I may not eat perfectly it is forcing me to write it all down. I have tried so many different approaches it is kind of sad. I've done medical weight loss with the appetite suppressants and B12 shots, I have done weight watchers, I have done cold turkey calorie counting, I have had fitness/nutrition coaches and I even jumped through the hoops at Kaiser for their bariatric surgery program. Only to have a surgeon tell me that I am not a good candidate for weight loss surgery.

So here's the reality. I have had all my blood work done and as of yet all of my results came back in the normal range. I am considered obese and I teeter on the line of morbid obesity. My BMI is right around 39 and at 5'5" I weigh 239 lbs. I have been heavy for nearly 10 years and although this won't be easy I need to get my weight down.

My goals are simple...I want to wear clothes in normal sizes. I want to be able to run a mile or 5 miles without feeling like my knees will collapse under me. I want to set an example for my children that they can eat healthy foods and exercise and they are not condemned to a life of being heavy. My husband is, and always has been 100% on board. I know he is proud of me no matter what I do but certainly who doesn't want a hot wife?

I am trying to set parameters for myself to follow my points every day and to workout once a day regardless of what the activity might be. I want to stay off of Facebook as much as possible and try to achieve a mindset conducive to mental and physical health. I am new to blogging so I will work on adding pictures and fancy stuff as I go along!

All my love,
Shauna